Some advice for wives from Mrs M. A. Dobbin Crawford who was, in 1930, the Honorary Assistant Surgeon at the Liverpool and Samaritan Hospitals for Women and the Liverpool Maternity Hospital. Full marks for her for marrying someone with “Dobbin” in their surname, and for her valuable work as a surgeon specialising in women’s health. But I’m not crazy about the marital advice.
Bath Chronicle, 27th December 1930
Advice to Wives
“Never Criticise Your Husband to Anybody”
As given to a meeting of business girls in Liverpool on Wednesday by Mrs Dobbin Crawford, a Liverpool surgeon:
Never criticise your husband to anybody, not even to your own mother.
Be sympathetic and understanding.
Nothing destroys the happiness of married life more than the lazy, slovenly wife.
Encourage your husband to keep his friends. Don’t be jealous of them.
A marriage that is childless by arrangement is generally a disappointment.
Mary Pickford was a mega-success story – one of the biggest stars of early cinema, she co-founded the United Artists film studio, was one of the original founders of the Academy of Motion Pictures and won the second ever Best Actress Oscar given by them. She was described by a silent film journalist at the time as “the best known woman who has ever lived, the woman who was known to more people and loved by more people than any other woman that has been in all history.” Quite a claim.
One of the original career women, this is the advice she had for wives in 1934. “Be selfish.”
Sunderland Daily Echo, 19th January 1934
ADVICE TO WIVES
“BE SELFISH,” SAYS MARY PICKFORD
Wives should learn to be selfish.
This is the advice of Miss Mary Pickford.
She thinks wives ought to have schools where selfishness would be one of the subjects of the curriculum.
“Women,” she said, “ought to learn that kindness is sometimes the most devastating and weakening influence.
“Wives, especially, make this mistake. It is the unselfish ones who ruin themselves and everyone depending on them.
Mary Pickford confessed that she had made a New Year resolution to treat herself as well as she treats the people she likes best, says a Reuter Chicago cable.
When Mrs Quan of St Louis put in a divorce petition against her husband in 1912, the Judge made a rather unusual decision. In what sounds like an idea for a reality show, he appointed a policeman, Patrick J. Egan, “to supervise the domestic affairs of the couple, and to visit their home daily for thirty days.” Mr Egan’s qualifications in this regard apparently being that “I have had a long talk with my wife. She and I have been married sixteen years, and we have never had a quarrel. This one qualification I have brought to this job of peacemaker.”
Sheffield Evening Telegraph, 17th September 1912
Mr Egan visited, he supervised and he talked with Mrs Quan “on her attitude towards her husband and his treatment of her”. He then came up with a list of precepts, and it didn’t take him long to do it – at the time of this article, he’d only completed 15 of the designated 30 visits.
This was his advice. Don’t remonstrate with your husband when he has been drinking. Wait until next morning. Then give him a cup of coffee for his headache. Afterwards lead him into the parlour, put your arms about him and give him a lecture. It will have more weight with him than any number of quarrels.
If he has to drink, let him have it at home.
Avoid mothers-in-law. Don’t let them live with you or interfere in your affairs.
If you must have your own way, do not let your husband know you are trying to boss him. Have your own way by letting him think he is having his.
Dress to suit your husband’s taste and income. Husbands usually don’t like their wives to wear tight dresses. Consult him on these matters.
Don’t be jealous or give your husband cause for jealousy.
When your husband is in a bad humour be in a good humour. It may be difficult but it will pay.
Sheffield Evening Telegraph, 17th September 1912
What did the Quans do with this advice? They had it printed, framed and placed in the sitting room. They were reportedly delighted with the “policeman-philosopher” and “presented the saviour of their marital bliss with a handsome token of their gratitude in the form of a gold watch.”
Now. I don’t want to be the pourer of cold water all over this marital bliss, but come on.
For one thing, Mrs Quan was the instigator of the divorce, which rather implies some kind of unreasonable conduct on the part of her husband. And yet, she’s the only one to be talked to, and the only one given advice on how to alter her behaviour. Plus, Mr Egan has only visited 15 times so far and so he came up with his advice pretty quickly. Assuming the list was drawn up after the first week, then this has given the Quans eight whole days to put this advice into action, including alerting the media on their state of bliss, commissioning a printer and framer to display the advice, and going gold watch shopping to boot. Well, I hope it worked out for them, but it seems a bit too soon to declare everything was fixed, don’t you think?
Here’s a 1930s example of what became known as “shockvertising“. It still works as an attention-grabbing technique – it made me gasp when I found it.
The Hawick News, 25th November, 1932
It’s a rather strong method of advertising from Brown of Myreslawgreen, an economical clothes shop. You need to read the small print to see what it’s really saying, and I expect everyone did read it – I can’t imagine many people blithely turning the page without investigating further.
“Every husband worthy of the name likes to see his wife and children well-dressed. It is a difficult problem these hard times, and our advice is – don’t KILL YOUR WIFE with worry trying to make ends meet….”
Do you do anything deliberately that annoys you, for fun? I’m not sure why exactly, but getting aerated about some bugbear of yours, in a safe kind of way, is quite cathartic in the same way that crying can be.
It’s why I read the Daily Mail’s Sidebar of Shame and it’s why my husband watches “The Big Question” on a Sunday. We would be disappointed if suddenly either one was populated with reasonable points of view that coincided with our own.
And, being completely honest, it’s why I initially started researching old marital advice columns for an intermittent series I will be doing on the blog, and which started with this post. I was heartened to see that much of the advice was actually quite wise and even applicable now, sometimes with a bit of tweaking. But, yes, I was irrationally disappointed that huge swathes of outrageous archive sexism weren’t as widespread as I expected.
Apart from this one. It’s from the Isle of Man Times in 1895, and, you know, nothing against the Isle of Man and everything, but….
I’m a feminist. I would be a card-carrying one if that was possible and I don’t really understand why any woman wouldn’t identify as one, although I know some that don’t. It’s all about being treated equally to men, socially and economically, and I’m not sure why anybody wouldn’t want that for themselves. So this article is the Euro Millions jackpot for outraged feminism. I love it, while being sincerely glad I never met the author.
Although I rather suspect there’s more than a few individuals who might agree with its sentiments even today – just witness the experiences of various well-known women on Twitter these days. It’s so outrageous – “He’ll probably think you an idiot; but that’s inevitable anyway,” – that I couldn’t work out if it was actually serious. But the author anticipates this – “don’t think this is a Joak,” he tells us. I still can’t decide whether it really is, though. I suspect not – this was a topical issue, after all, and attitudes like this were no doubt why The National Union of Women’s Suffrage Societies was founded two years later, in 1897.
A final note – I would rather like to see my husband’s face if I’d made some delicious hash for dinner, only to eat it myself and give him his own dinner of green turtle instead.
Isle of Man Times, 8th October 1895
Advice to Wives
Don’t argue with your husband: do whatever he tells you and obey all his orders.
Don’t worry him for money, and don’t expect a new dress oftener than he offers to buy you one.
Don’t sit up till he comes home from the club; better be in bed, and pretend to be asleep. If you must be awake, seem to be glad that he came home so early. He’ll probably think you an idiot; but that’s inevitable anyway.
Don’t grumble at him because he takes no notice of baby; men weren’t built to take notice of baby.
Don’t mope and cry because you are ill, and don’t get any fun; the man goes out to get all the fun, and your laugh comes in when he gets home again and tells you about – some of it. As for being ill, women should never be ill.
Don’t be mad because he smokes in bed, and goes into the best room with his dirty boots: your’s is the only house in which he can do these things, and you mustn’t be disagreeable.
Don’t talk to him of his mother-in-law; he’ll like it better if you talk to him of yours.
Don’t give him hash for dinner, eat the hash yourself and get him green turtle and chicken.
Don’t answer back, don’t spend money on yourself, don’t expect him to push the perambulator, don’t expect him to do anything he doesn’t want to do, don’t do anything he doesn’t want you to do. Then if you’re not a happy woman, your husband will at least be comfortable, and his friends will all be mad with envy.
And don’t think this is a Joak. It isn’t; it’s gospel, and the only way to have a happy home.
