I like this Advice to Husbands, as published in the Manchester Courier in 1877. It seems to me to be hiding its essential compassion and wisdom underneath a veneer of curmudgeonly Mark Twain-style humour.
The Manchester Courier, 2nd July 1877
ADVICE TO HUSBANDS
Never talk in your sleep unless you are sure what you are going to say.
Don’t be discontented. It is much easier to make your wife feel that way.
Never tell your wife she is a charming singer unless you happen to be deaf.
Don’t flatter yourself that you know more than your wife until you have got home from her funeral.
Don’t be too friendly with your prospective son-in-law. He may think you intend to live with him after he is married.
Don’t try and fool your wife about drinking unless you happen to marry an idiot. Then it isn’t worth while to do so.
Never tell your wife how much better some other woman dresses unless you have more money than you know what to do with.
Never boast to your wife about the value of your past experiences. Your mother-in-law may settle herself down on you next week.
Never find fault with the quality of your wife’s cooking. You may possibly drive her to join some cooking club, which would be much worse.
A salutory piece of advice to husbands from General Booth, leader of the Salvation Army, in 1908. It is in line with their attitude to women in general, which was cheeringly based on equality, even at that time. William Booth wrote a book “Messages to Soldiers” also in 1908, which stated:
“I insist on the equality of women with men. Every officer and soldier should insist upon the truth that woman is as important, as valuable, as capable and as necessary to the progress and happiness of the world as man. Unfortunately a large number of people of every tribe, class and nationality think otherwise. They still believe woman is inferior to man.”
Nottingham Evening Post, 31st August 1908
ADVICE TO HUSBANDS
GENERAL BOOTH AND MARRIAGE
In every Salvation Army place of worship yesterday a “Final Message on Woman”, by General Booth, was read out, the General’s instruction being that it should be “read straight through without comment.”
“A higher estimate and a more generous treatment of woman as a wife is needed,” he wrote, and he gave the following advice to husbands:-
“Let him make her realise that he regards her as a being of equal value with himself.
“Let him use all reasonable effort for her support and maintain her as generously as his income will allow.
“Let him have all reasonable care for her health.
“Every husband should love his wife. Without love for her, he ought not to have married her; and if love be there, let him see that he cultivates it.”
Here’s a 1930s example of what became known as “shockvertising“. It still works as an attention-grabbing technique – it made me gasp when I found it.
The Hawick News, 25th November, 1932
It’s a rather strong method of advertising from Brown of Myreslawgreen, an economical clothes shop. You need to read the small print to see what it’s really saying, and I expect everyone did read it – I can’t imagine many people blithely turning the page without investigating further.
“Every husband worthy of the name likes to see his wife and children well-dressed. It is a difficult problem these hard times, and our advice is – don’t KILL YOUR WIFE with worry trying to make ends meet….”
Marital advice used to be a much more common subject for newspaper articles and books. I suppose in days gone by more people were married at a much younger age, when you might have hardly any clue about the opposite sex. I’ve got a few interesting snippets of this sort of thing that I’ll be making a bit of a regular feature of for a while. Some odd, some funny, some infuriating, but a lot of it still useful, by and large.
First up, here’s some advice for husbands and wives from the Gloucester Echo in 1924. Under the humorous tone there’s a few useful pieces of advice. Although, the last line of the Advice to Wives is a bit dark – not only that, it is pretty much exactly the same as the most recent marital advice I have heard, that of Davina McCall just a couple of weeks ago – here, which caused quite some controversy.
The Gloucestershire Echo, 11th January 1924
The Gloucestershire Echo, 11th January 1924
ADVICE TO HUSBANDS
Kiss your wife occasionally. Even if you married for money it’s as well to conceal the fact as long as you decently can.
Don’t have a fit of apoplexy if she exceeds her dress allowance. Every article in her wardrobe costs three times as much as yours and lasts one quarter as long.
You ought to feel flattered if another man shows appreciation of your wife’s charms. It reflects credit on your judgement. Besides, women thrive on admiration.
If the reason why you were late was that you were having a rubber at the club, don’t make a mystery of it. If the club had nothing to do with it, the less said the better.
In the domestic Cabinet your wife is Home Secretary. As Chancellor of the Exchequer, and in charge of foreign affairs, you have quite enough to do without interfering in her department.
A woman who criticizes your wife to you is a cat. Cut her.
Don’t grumble if you have to take a grandmother in to dinner. With any luck, you will be a grandfather yourself one day.
ADVICE TO WIVES
Don’t put your husband on a pedestal. It’s an uncomfortable resting-place. Moreover, the creature has no sense of balance, and is sure to fall off.
The world is full of men who want something for nothing. Steer clear of them.
You have promised to “love, honour and obey”. Obedience is out of date. Honour too much suggests inequality – the relationship of subject and monarch. Love is the only thing that matters.
Be tolerant: it is a virtue that never fails.
In a contest of physical strength, the man is bound to come off victor. “Conquer by yielding” said the old Romans. They knew a thing or two.
Be as charming as you can to his men friends. It is better to have them as allies than as enemies.
If your husband has tea with a woman he knew long before he met you tell him you hope she’ll call on you. She won’t, but he’ll think how wonderful you are.
Don’t imagine that because you’re married it doesn’t matter how you dress. Men have a weakness for pretty things, and a horrid habit, if they can’t get them at home, of going in search of them, and what’s more, finding them.
